ThatGirlOnTV

The end that keeps on ending…

If you saw Final Destination and its 2 and 3 sequels, then you probably know what to expect with this fourth (and dare I hope, final) installment of the franchise that keeps us morbid. Adding a “The” in front of it didn’t make much of a difference because The Final Destination holds no surprises. 

Nick O’Bannon (Bobby Campo) and his friends are  among a group of targets when a racetrack filled fun time turns into a death trap. For some unknown reason (which we know is the whole point of this movie) he has visions that allow him to see the deaths of people who survived the racetrack massacre before they actually die, in sequence ending with his own death. He then tries to stop the deaths from happening.

You’ve got the asshole friend Hunt (Nick Zano -whose acting carried the entire cast) , the stupid/annoying friend Janet (Haley Webb), the concerned girlfriend Lori (Shantel VanSanten), and Nick- our leading man. Oh, and the random black character (who doesn’t die first- they barely ever do these days). 

Going into it, you can expect to know maybe two of the character’s names in the movie and nobody’s last names because that really isn’t important. You also recognize maybe one or two of the actors. The dialogue lacks severely.

The problem with this movie is, although you don’t expect much from it, it’s entirely too predictable. Almost boring. To the point that the gruesome deaths and funny moments don’t even register. 

The only reason I would recommend seeing this movie, is to gawk at the creativity that the director David Ellis and writers threw into executing their death scenes. Some deaths were so intricate they might make you think twice before getting into that drive-through carwash…others, so obvious that you’ll remember to look twice before you cross that next street.

All in all, the destination wasn’t worth the airfare. 

Rating: 2.1/5

This fall on ABC, we can only look forward to more of America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Just Kidding. I’m actually mad that show is still on… with all its 80s hair…

But like I was saying, this fall the most exciting new show on ABC is one called Modern Family. It follows three different types of dysfunctional American families…basically making yours and mine look damn good. Can’t wait.

Then there’s Cougar Town… a show that I believe came about simply because we can no longer ignore the moms who are dating their son’s best friends. They need to know it’s okay to aspire to be Demi, so Courteney Cox is going to hold it down, represent. 

The show Castle is supposed to be a NYPD cop comedy/drama that will be nothing like all the other cop comedy dramas…why? Because the main character Richard Castle was previously a novelist. It sounds like that will be the only thing that separates Castle from the other cop-related murder/mystery show- The Forgotten. 

Oh wait, then there’s Flash Forward. But this one is about the FBI in Los Angeles, not anything like the cops of NY. Not at all.

I’m waiting for the new ideas, ABC.

In all honesty, we may just need to stick to what we know on ABC. We can count on another season of Grey’s Anatomy, Ugly Betty, Private Practice, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Dancing With The Stars, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.  We know these shows work, and we can trust them. 

Some of the other shows are not even worth mentioning. But if you want to see for yourselves, head over to abc.com.

ABC, darlings, you are not NBC yet. You do not need to do all this extra work.

Except I do kind of like the idea of Cougar Town...

Hanging by a moment here with you,

C.A.M.

Director Quentin Tarantino, mastermind behind cult classics like Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill, provides an interesting alternative to the end of the Hitler regime with his concoction of mangled history known as Inglourious Basterds.

In Tarantino films we can usually expect the smart-ass but hilarious remarks from our favorite characters, the random but epic cameos, and the cold-blooded murder done… tastefully. And this movie certainly holds true to fashion.

But because Tarantino doesn’t claim to tell the true story, it was much harder to predict what was going to happen next, and fortunately that helped the story stay exciting as opposed to hurting it. What makes Inglourious Basterds favorable is that it there is much more than just war in this film.

Tarantino presents the love triangle, if you will, between the Germans, the French, and the Americans- in regards to their positions at war during the time period, but also in regards to the personal connections each culture held to another. Mainly by language.

For instance, take the Colonel Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz), who presents himself in the very beginning as a debonair and gentle man thrown into a position he’d rather not be in. He’s polite, he’s considerate, and above all else, he’s smart. He speaks German, French, English and Italian, much to other people’s dismay. We quickly see that his use of the formal French language goes about as far as the sheep’s clothing can stretch. He becomes lethal (with a nickname like “The Jew Hunter” you can see why only he would consider it a misnomer). Landa is quite possibly one of the most conniving and quick-witted antagonists of all time. Surely, Waltz will be rewarded with a Golden Globe or maybe even an Oscar nomination for this supporting role. 

Next, you have Lieutenant Aldo “The Apache” Raine (Brad Pitt) who provides most of the comical relief as the over-the-top “Nat-See” killing likeable guy from Tennessee. The gang of lost boys also known as the Inglourious Basterds are entertaining, wild, and a little bit naive to anything other than achieving their objective as outlined by the Lieutenant. My favorite Basterd is “The Bear Jew” Sgt. Donny Donnowitz.

On the emotional, and more spirited side, there’s Shosanna Dreyfus (Mélanie Laurent), the young Jewish girl turned French cinema owner, who many years before watched Landa and his men massacre her entire family. After she narrowly escaped the same fate, Shosanna finds herself courted by a German war hero who knows nothing of her past, nor of her resentment for all Germans. Her hatred runs so deep, in fact, that she formulates a plan of revenge.

A plan that sees to the end of the Hitler regime, according to this movie.

Quite frankly, Tarantino almost completely ignores what actually went down during World War II. There isn’t too much fighting here, but that doesn’t take anything away from this story. The cast is brilliant.

It is a bit relaxed on the actual happenings of the Holocaust, if not completely ignorant. The goal to entertain is met. And, although it didn’t quite happen the way this movie plays it out to, the end of the war does come.

That much, we know actually happened.

Rating: 4.1/5

Moms who thought Gossip Girl’s first season was bad might as well just try locking the entire CW channel this time around.

This fall on the CW we can look forward to a lot of teen angst, sex, and scandal. And that’s just on the commercials.

Our favorite Upper East Siders return with the bigger, badder (is that even a word?) and better version of what once was. They’re going to college, so now it’s okay for them to have lots of sex. I guess.

Then there’s 90210. The underdog. It did quite well for rehashing the memories our parents had of the show back in the day, mother and daughters around the country had plenty to talk about at dinner this past season. We can add “Watch 90210 Together” to the list of things to do to prevent broken families. That, and The Secret Life (I still say stayteen.org saw more traffic than it ever had because of that show). And, 90210 was like the anti-Gossip Girl for people who hate conformity. Not trying to compete, just trying to live.

Let’s see how the underdog does with a little competition this time. Melrose Place is coming. And Ashley Simpson-Wentz can only mean good things. She did Malcolm In The Middle, she did 7th Heaven…she is a scripted television veteran. But really, Melrose Place is another regurgitation of old memories for your parents (and actually some of us) who watched the show back in the day. Except everyone on the new show looks like barbie dolls.

Speaking of barbie dolls, the CW is going to also feature Gossip Girl 2.0, also known as The Beautiful Life. Some are saying it’s the exact same thing, except they’re models. I don’t care, I’m going to watch it because I want to see Corbin Bleu’s hair speak for itself now that it has been cut.

Then, there’s The Vampire Diaries (with the slutty chick from Degrassi!), also known as the TV-14 version of True Blood. At the very least, it’s something to do while we all wait for New Moon.

Meanwhile, ANTM is back, Smallville is back, Supernatural is back, and One Tree Hill is holding on to dear life.

In conclusion-  nothing new on this channel will be as good as The Game, and some of the old shows should have gotten axed instead. Yes, I’m still bitter.

I break the rules so I don’t care,

C.A.M.

Upon walking into the theatre, any preconceived notions about what District 9 was going to be about had only left me with images of giant shrimp-looking bugs speaking in a language no one would understand.

Cue subtitles, please.

However, from beginning to end, District 9 plays out as an intriguing commentary on the human-alien relationship. It could be interpreted as a deeper message than the alien clad movies normally allow, but that’s mostly for the politically enlightened movie goer.

Assuming you’re a normal person intent on a rockin’ good time at the movies, without knowing anything about this particular alien flick, I suspect you would have left thinking it was worth the movie fare.

District 9 told a story of significant misunderstandings between people and alien, between alien and alien, and between people and people- most importantly.

The news interview/documentary style format allows us to think of it not as a movie, but as a social commentary. The main character Vickus made us hate him, feel bad for him, root for him, and maybe hate him once more.

The real hero in this movie is not the main character, but instead a character by the name of Christopher Johnson who is at first underestimated, but proves himself bigger than his physical characteristics will allow us to see. Interpret that as you may.

All in all, District 9 is thought provoking, and still fulfilling of the want for an action packed film. I’ll give Peter Jackson the nod for not allowing us to beg the question of what this movie is about in vain. The previews showed just enough without allowing a full opinion to form, and the movie took us in and out of what the opinion is really based on.

Was it good? Yes. Although my bias will allow me to say I didn’t appreciate the Nigerian characters in this one. Please remember not all of us are like that.

If you care to ponder the purpose of the human race a little bit more, want to see a movie that doesn’t over do it with the CG effects, or if you just want to see gross looking aliens…

Then District 9 is for you. Personally, the title District 10 will be added to the list of hopeful sequel must-sees.

Rating  3.9/5

If Movietickets.com gives you a headache and you don’t feel like clicking on Fandango, here’s a useful list for the movie lovers.

We talked about Post Grad coming out August 21st, but it’s among a list of must sees for the month.

First, shame on you if you still haven’t seen Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince, it’s been a month. Go today, because nobody will be in the theatre. 

And, you should have already seen G.I. Joe (B+, although it’s the #1 movie in the country right now) and Julie & Julia (also B+, classic Meryl Streep, cute Amy Adams), they opened last week. 

This weekend you can go see Bandslam (only for the New Moon trailer), District 9 (I’ll let you know once I see it in a few) and The Time Traveler’s Wife (for a good cry). 

Next weekend, take the kids to see Shorts, but definitely not Inglourious Basterds. I don’t think that’s good parenting. Although I’ve been hearing about this movie since Christmas- I hope *Brad Pitt voice* “Killing Nat-sees!” will be worth it.

Just incase you were looking to roll into September unable to sleep at night, the last weekend of August gives us a head start on Halloween  with  Halloween II and The Final Destination……. what, no Vanessa Hudgens? She’s going to be my costume this year. 

Anyway, there you have it folks.

There are some other movies peppered in this month, but these are the only ones probably worth mentioning. After all, this isn’t RottenTomatoes.com, I don’t have to be nice to everybody. 

However….just because it’s Jeremy Piven:

Keep it in the closet,

C.A.M.

The previews for the movie Post Grad, starring Alexis Bledel, look lighthearted, cute and funny…but maybe a little too cute. 

She struggles with the whole finding a job after graduation thing, just like a million other new grads did this past summer, and honestly, are still doing.

Is it realistic that she finds a new job, apartment, and man before the movie is over?

Not really.

Most of the class of 2009 college graduates that I know of have only achieved 1/3 by this point. If they have a job already, then they haven’t moved out of the parents’ house yet, and they definitely haven’t found that significant other. 

Matter-o-fact most of them tweet daily about how it’s really time to leave the nest now…and then they tweet about how good mom’s food is as they walk to the kitchen. 

If they  have a boyfriend (talking about my girls specifically now), they are neither going forward in the relationship, nor are they going to let him go if he was the sweetheart from college. It’s like they realize that until they get that secure job, and that apartment, they don’t want/can’t deal with a new boyfriend. A boyfriend from college understands the predicament, and since he is most likely in the same boat, can’t complain.

Young men in this post-grad time warp are generally ambitious, but still not ready to take on the world, so they often focus on getting the apartment first, job second, and girl(s) after.

But then again, this is just based on my findings, I’m no psychologist. And of course there are those that go against the grain… but we’ve already got so many movies about them (i.e Pursuit of Happyness) so why not focus on the Average Joes. 

Maybe Alexis Bledel gets her life together over a longer span of time than the previews make it seem, we’ll just have to see the movie. 

Come on get higher,

C.A.M.

And yet we can’t get enough of crap TV. 

Right now I’m watching this episode of Real World: Cancun (a.k.a. Shit Show) and we’re exploring Jasmine’s inability to get a man in bed. As fascinating as that is,  I don’t find any of this Real World season as interesting as New Orleans was (a.k.a. the last time I actually enjoyed Real World). 

So I’ll flip the channel.

Next we have Tiny & Toya…

So I’ll flip the channel.

Real Housewives of Atlanta is definitely more entertaining than any of the other Real Housewife locations, but it’s only because there is an arguement and a dinner every single episode. It generally goes “Let’s have a dinner and work out our problems with each other”, and then while at dinner “No I did not….how can you lie to….you’re a low budget b…. Fuck this, I’m out!” (cue weave flip).

Although I could watch Kim sing all day, I have to devote some time to my friends over at Dating in the Dark. Now as much as I like to do things in the dark, watching people make out is not one of them. That idea is almost as good as the one someone had to give Rev Run’s daughters a show called Daddy’s Girls…or Whiny Brats…whatever. 

Side note: there is more weave on their 2 heads alone, than there is on the entire cast of the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Next, if those top Hollywood/NYC Executives don’t realize that almost nothing Diddy touches turns to gold anymore, I’m going to pitch my own attempt for a reality show called Dance Your Ass Off where heavy set people do horrible things to stripper poles in the name of weightloss.

Oh, wait. 

All I’m saying is Diddy’s shows are working about as well as America’s Next/Best/Biggest/Top/Got/Idol.

After the first attempt, there shouldn’t have been anymore.

We’re losing brain cells while we’re busy watching things like Tweedle Tiny & Tweedle Toya, The Speidi Show formally known as The Hills, and Megan Wants A Millionaire (and an STD). We’re wasting the precious moments that could be spent watching good television. 

Like the T.O. Show.

No seriously, some good television:

True Blood- if you’re parents will let you.

Gossip Girl/90210- once again, if your parents will let you.

Entourage- because seeing the male version of Sex & The City confirms that men are not acting, they genuinely don’t give two shits about feelings.

CSI/Law & Order/Cold Case/House- because they are all the same show, really.

The Secret Life of the American Teenager- Actually I’m just kidding. This is what your parents will force you to watch. And after you’ll visit stayteen.org together.

Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami- because the other Kardashian sisters might be more interesting than Kim’s new blonde hair.

Giuliana & Bill- because they are normal. 

Grey’s Anatomy- because I want to see how Katherine Heigl gets out of her contract.

Ugly Betty- because since we’re never watching American Idol again now that Paula’s gone, we can watch her cameo on this show. 

And good old Family Guy. Or better yet, Family Guy Black-point-0:  The Cleveland Show. 

Seriously, give scripted television a chance.

Side note: See previous post for the future of reality television, and be afraid.

What happened to the days of 7th Heaven? Boy Meets World? The Game? (that was like yesterday…but see how quickly that got axed).

Moment of silence for our classy girls Claire Huxtable, Vivian Banks and Amy Matthews.

(NOT the actresses that played them, they are thankfully still alive).

Remember what you told me,

C.A.M.