You know what sucks…
When the celebrity you love most decides to date the worst possible person – ever.
Like, their taste in women or men is just so bad that you would prefer if they dated a billy goat. Or an inanimate object. Like this guy.
It is the highest level of treason to us undying fans. So bad, that it has the power to invalidate every piece of work they have ever created.
For example, I almost jumped out of a window upon learning that John Mayer’s “Your Body is A Wonderland,” the most profound song ever written, was apparently written about Jennifer Love Hewitt.
What?! How is HER body the wonderland of which you speak?! You mean you DON’T like cellulite? Love handles? Uneven boobs? (not mine, obviously).
Note: I eventually deemed the claim ludicrous because if said woman’s body is a wonderland, it has to be fat enough for Alice (John) to get lost in it. Thus, rolls and kankles must apply.
You get the point.
And since we’re on the subject, John Mayer takes the Olympic gold when it comes to choosing the wrong woman. Lest we not forget the Enron (read: Taylor Swift) disaster of 2010. True fans had rage of Wolfman proportions. Heave. I will kill ALL OF YOU!
I remember wearing black (more-so than usual) and lighting a candle to symbolize the piece of my heart that died along with his good taste. I was Lola from Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen… But I got through it, and eventually it ended. Now Mayer has the metaphoric “Taylor” tattoo on his upper right arm manifesting in the form of a song called “Dear John.” And we fans get to give the consoling pat on the back and say I told you so to his Battle Studies album cover, skipping over track 3 on sheer principle.
Now he’s supposedly dating Katy Perry…
*Bows head* Sweet Baby Jesus be a Russell Brand reunion.
So there’s that, and then there’s the epic cheating failure that can rock any uberfan’s world to the core. Jude Law. Hugh Grant. Eric Benet. Kristen Effing Stewart. Look, if you don’t think it can have such an adverse effect… by all means, see for yourselves:
Gawd, celebrities, don’t you understand you have impossible expectations to live up to?